BESTFRIENDS

it's my midnight thoughts reminiscing about those people around me..

there goes sometimes i wonder whos the real friends of mine? the real bestfriends that always be there through my ups and downs. and yep, i realised that obviously. 

i dont really scared about losing people. not ever though. im into it now tbh. and i think it's not a bad experience. people are basically roaming around, yet the caring ones would reach out to you. if you thought of being left out, they might never really there for you. they dont really check up on you. not even supporting whatever youre doin. acted such strangers in socmed. they are literally dont care about you. so why do you have to care whos the real people in your life? 

i have thought of this such for a long time. and this literally brought tears and sadness into my life. i almost drown into depression. i was lost in my own thoughts. what is bestfriends? who is my bestfriends? are they really my bestfriends? it was such a nightmare that haunted me. right until now.. sadly it still haunts me sometimes.

as time goes by, i realise some things are not meant to be there. even how much we pushed it to fit into the puzzle, it wont lasts. 

if people dont care about me, why would i? i wont ever care about them either. i have wasted my days cried for things i shouldnt cared for. bestfriends. i dont really know whats the meaning of bestfriends in my life. i dont understand anymore what is bestfriend stands for practically. and im not gonna care about real friends, not anymore. i merely wanted the real ones to stick around yet it such a dissapointment to expect. i was afraid of losing, however it simply a lesson that sometimes we have to accept the fact people may come and go. some people said, it's normal losing friends. nevertheless i aint believe of 'losing friends' phrase. if you really important, distance means nothing. youll always be the first one to be looked up for. blessed, i have that one, although in previous i lost the so called ones!

stop expecting more from people. they only exist in a certain path of your life. whats meant to be, will find its way back. i would never cut out them off my life, it's only realising the truth must be accepted. 

i honestly did not expect those few people that stayed with me through ups and downs, care about me, keep supporting me, those motivation words been received, they even knew the matters im in particularly, the hard times i went through, and helping hands without being asked. i couldnt be grateful enough for having few real people in my life. they got my back!

i may do not have bestfriends, however i have supportive friends and family in my life.

thank you for those were there for me when i needed them. the moment when i was in my hard times. much appreciated. thank you for check up on me. you know who you are. you guys are always in my duas. may Allah blessed you. allahumma aameen.

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شكرا جزيلا

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AM THOUGHTS

sekarang aku dah postgraduate. cepat masa berlalu. dan sekarang aku dah merasa duduk law firm. stay kl sepertimana yang aku idamkan dari dulu. tapi tulah, hidup di kl tidak seindah yang kita imagine. terlalu banyak risiko, pengorbanan duit dan perasaan. ikat perut, kira bajet, plan itu ini. belum cerita lagi soal sakit. siksa beb!

sejujurnya, rindu pada keluarga itu sudah semestinya. semakin tua, semakin sensitif bila jauh dari keluarga. mungkin faktor usia.

dan semakin tua, semakin banyak komitmen. inilah yang akan dilalui oleh setiap orang. semakin banyak di fikiran. semakin banyak tanggungjawab. tekanan semakin kuat. yang dulu aku sering berfikir tentang perkara remeh, kini aku lebih ke arah yang penting. begitulah hidup. semakin dewasa semakin matang dalam berfikir. bila dilihat semula, sudah jauh aku melangkah. jauh dari kejahilan yang dahulunya aku lalui. jauh dari segala perkara yang tidak disangka-sangka. 

kawan-kawan ramai yang sudah berkeluarga, ada yang sudah bertunang, berkahwin dan ada yang masih kejar cita-cita. aku? masih dalam usaha untuk merealisasikan cita-cita yang hampir tercapai. terkadang pernah ada rasa untuk putus asa kejar cita-cita entah yang terlalu banyak liku-liku. mungkin cuma aku yang terlalu mudah menyerah. cerita lebih dalam lagi.... mungkin satu hari nanti. jalan cerita untuk menjadi seorang peguam tidaklah semudah yang disangka. bukanlah hanya apply permohonan melalui website kemudian tunggu untuk temuduga. bukanlah hanya isi borang kemudian boleh dapat. banyak prosedur. dan aku laluinya sendiri dalam usaha permohonan untuk jadi peguam syarie KL. alhamdulillah! sekarang hanya tunggu keputusan. bittaufiq wannajah. semoga peroleh kejayaan dan mula beramal tahun hadapan.

jangan tanya bila aku akan berkahwin. sekarang ni rasa tawar hati mau kawin. risau dengan jodoh yang tidak sepatutnya aku risaukan. sebab semua Allah dah atur. tapi.. entahla! selalu doa aku dapat jodoh yang baik untuk dunia dan akhirat aku. yang terbaik untuk aku, agama aku, zuriat aku, keturunan aku dan everything. selalu overthink pasal future. risau dan takut. mungkin aku terlalu ter-exposed dengan dunia perceraian, dan sebab itu aku lebih berhati-hati. sedangkan pantai pun boleh berubah, inikan hati manusia. semoga dijauhkan dari perceraian dan pergolakan rumahtangga. allahumma aameen.

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شكرا جزيلا

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